Originally featured in The Founder Newspaper, January 2020
Composer: Andrew Lloyd Webber
Lyrics: Abel Fenwick

Christmas, I returned to the North East,
And I searched for some way to
Spend a day with my Nan.
We booked tickets,
Expected a fun nostalgia trip
Then the horrors all began.

Memories, all destroyed from my childhood
I did enjoy the stage show
(As you do when you’re young)
Now the horror
Of Rebel Wilson eating a bug
Remains till my days are done.

It looked somehow twice as bad
As we were all assuming.
The CG cat fur didn’t suit the actors,
And still the hands were human.

See it! It’s not a Marvel movie!
A fact rare enough these times
That it deserves some praise
Please go with friends
And perhaps imbibe a beverage or two
It’s a… talking… point for days.

Judi Dench is Judi Dench,
And the dancing really stuns.
It’s got some moments that are laugh out loud
If you can fight the urge to run.

Truly! If you get past the CG
And the plot that really
Wasn’t needed for Cats-
It’s enjoyable
A fact which my Nana does confirm
Though I envy her cataracts.